This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
