Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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