What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you had me at cake vodka
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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