I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
