i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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