ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
