this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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