So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
