On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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