I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
