A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your dad touched me again.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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