Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
