There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
