glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
