If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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