so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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