There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
