I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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