Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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