You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
