Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
