Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
