we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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