In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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