Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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