I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize