this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
