she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
