got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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