he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
