It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
