Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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