she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
