they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
