My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
