If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
