sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
