i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
