Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
