Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
