My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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