Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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