Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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