I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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