Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
