I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize