It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
