I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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