You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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