can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
