Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
