You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
