All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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