the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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