so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
