I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
