This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
