Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
