I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
