Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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