I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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