wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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