I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
