just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
