I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
