God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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