Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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