But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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