This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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