we have officially lost it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
