It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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