you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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