Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize