I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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