You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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